hot daddy and the monkey puppets

I am not the awkward one in the situation

A guy at work asked me out several weeks ago. Well, he didn’t so much ask me out as he did text me “So, really, you wanna see a movie?” While this half-assed dating approach was an instant turn off, I wasn’t gonna NOT see Mission: Impossible 4 in IMAX for free. Right?

Anyway, the date was of course insanely awkward. Before the movie, he said he was thirsty but didn’t want to buy a four dollar water bottle, so I automatically felt like asking for a drink would be an imposition. Whatever. I had already seen Sherlock Holmes 2 earlier that day, so I wasn’t all set on having an ideal movie experience. I knew going into it that Tom Cruise would fill up 97% of the date, so I soldiered on.

The only reason the date was only insanely awkward and not cripplingly awkward is because I can be really helpful in social situations, when I choose to be. That date was one of those times. However, I have to WORK with this person, which changes absolutely everything. Sure, sometimes work relationships go really well, like when you’re fictional TV characters named Jim and Pam, but 99.99999% of the time, it’s just a really, really bad idea to ask out coworkers.

So, anyway, the next time I went into work - NOTHING. This guy doesn’t talk to me, he doesn’t come say hi to me, he doesn’t make eye contact with me. Nothing. I wasn’t offended, only because I was too busy NOT caring. I mean, on the date I was nice, I was funny, I was straightforward, I was a polite young woman, but it was just so completely obvious that there was NO love connection. Apparently this is reason enough to shun me. Once I figured out he was going to be awkward around me, I was like, so, this is how it’s gonna be?

This guy can feel awkward all he wants. He can stare me down with his blank, straight face all he wants. He can ask me the same, boring questions all he wants. Ultimately, he can even hate me all he wants. I, on the other hand, will look him in the eye, smile, answer his questions with a matching lack of creativity, and do my work. I don’t even know why he liked me in the first place - I always look super fugly at work. I wear the same dress pants every time and rotate the same three shirts and my eyes are always glassy from looking at my computer screen. Fugly or not, I will win this battle of awkwardness. I’m not the one who asked me out. I’m not the one who decided to shun me. I’m not the one who can’t look me in the eye.

I guess the moral of the story is, don’t ask out your coworkers. If they say no, it will be awkward. If they say yes, it will still be awkward. Just don’t, don’t, don’t do it. And ladies, just don’t say yes - even if it is in the name of Tom Cruise. 

1. jenjay liked this
2. monkeypuppet posted this