January 2012
59 posts
December 2011
73 posts
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If I end up in the ER by eating too much Wendy’s and exploding my insides, I will be truly embarrassed.
It is about 5:30 in the morning and I am thinking about life and I’ve realized why my dad’s girlfriend of 6+ years bothers me.
Every single time she opens her mouth to speak, she says something belittling or condescending, or something to express her dissatisfaction. It is constant in her general vibe. It is reinforced every time I see or listen to her. Every single joke is at...
I have started a new oil painting and have already graphed it on and I’m so excited to start the underpainting! It is a self-portrait and it’s going to be my best ever. If I promise this to someone other than myself, it will force me to produce good results. Hopefully that is exactly what happens this time around.
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“Nicolas Cage is the smartest man in the world.”
– Emily watching National Treasure
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I dreamed last night that a small, dark-haired, female vampire was attacking my little sister. For some reason I had the strength of a supernatural vampire hunter, and defended my sister quite well. We were at the top of my Nana’s stairs, and I was shouting at my sister for help, ‘cause I couldn’t manage breaking the vampire’s neck on my own. (Don’t think this...
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“Life is about being with the one you love.”
– Emily
I want a husband who will watch Kanye West videos with me and think they are awesome
Who will not chide me when I watch Everybody Loves Raymond for hours at a time and who will bring me food/snacks/beverages I did not ask for
I want a huzbinn who will rub my back. Like all the time.
I want a husband man who will buy me white wine when we are in da club and who will tell me I am a good dancer....
Whoever invented waking up at 6:30 in the morning is a real doucher.
“Rules for Happiness:
something to do,
someone to love,
something to hope for.”
– Immanuel Kant (via starsmended)
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WatchDid it work this time??
Me singing Moon River
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Full House, Season 7
Stephanie: I saw Steve at the library with another girl.
Kimmy: So? There are lots of girls at the library. Well, not that I’ve ever been there, but I hear that it’s co-ed.
S: She said she was gonna cook him dinner.
K: Maybe they’re studying together?
S: Pasta romantico?
K: Maybe they’re studying German?
andy-dwyer asked: youre better than me and youre better than everyone ok i hope you know that YOU DESERVE ALL THE FAME MONEY SEX ETC IN THE WORLD FOR THAT ZAK BAGANS DRAWING DO YOU HEAR ME
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This is how it usually goes.
Emily: Where are we going for lunch?
Me: Should we do Burger King, or Crown Burger?
Emily: Crown Burger has fry sauce.
Me: Our decision has been made, then.
Crown Burger is a magical place. It’s actually called Crown Burgers, with an S, but that’s just too much work for me. Anyway, this place is truly special. There are more than one Crown Burgerses(?) in the Salt Lake valley, but...
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Christmastime is the time of year I realize just how good I am at buying presents for myself.
Me: Being single + winter = hairy legs.
Emily: Being married + winter = hairy legs.
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“I feel like it’s pretty easy to NOT be possessed.”
– Olivia while watching Ghost Adventures
“Your vocal cords… surprise me.”
– Olivia’s reaction when I took on the form of Chris Daughtry
Apparently, I don't act like I'm twelve
Garrett, a coworker and new friend of mine, asked me how old I really was.
Me: I’m 22. G: *Laughs* Me: What? How old did you think I was? G: I thought you were older. Me: Oh. I’ll take that - usually people ask me when I’ll graduate high school. G: No, I mean, you look young, you just don’t act like you’re twelve. Me: It takes practice.
seanlugosi replied to your post: Why bother being a feminist and try without end to…
You should move to Ireland so we can be real person friends.
Don’t think it hasn’t crossed my mind.
That would be feckin’ awesome.
Why bother being a feminist and try without end to change the minds of men who aren’t worth my while in the first place?
I’d rather spend my time and thought and energy bettering myself for my own sake, so that I might attract a man who is worth my while.
Every woman has already been granted the right to think and act the way she wants to. Unfortunately, many choose to seek approval...
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What does it mean when you give a man an original “Sex Panther” painting featuring Brian Fantana and he loves it and then two dates later he tells you he’s not ready for a relationship and you haven’t heard from him since and then two weeks later he gets on Facebook (and he NEVER gets on Facebook) and he posts only one thing he posts a picture of said painting hanging in...
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Footage Not Found: Talk About a Meet Cute! →
footagenotfound:
There is a new woman who started at my office today. Her name is Virgin. VIRGIN. Which is all fine and good because most of my friends have either named their kids after inanimate objects or by jamming a bunch of consonants together and making up a pronunciation for the collection of the offending…
HOLY SHIT AGAIN
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